Gina Waters-Sladek got my attention with an e-mail about sign problems in Texas.

It seems two small post offices have been forced to take down posters reading "In God We Trust."

Angry citizens are now urging everyone to write "In God We Trust" on the back of all mail.

After all, "In God We Trust" is our national motto and appears on the money we use to buy stamps among other things.

Sad to say, but Don Graff is still suffering from a severe case of wackiness.

Mr. Graff just can't seem to shake having a slightly skewered sense of humor.

For instance, he sent me an e-mail that listed nominees for the Darwin Awards. These awards go to the people who get killed in the most extraordinary ways.

They're true stories.

A 41-year-old Detroit man was killed when he got stuck and drowned in 2 feet of water squeezing head-first through a sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

There are other tales of stupid human experiences.

A Guthrie, Okla., man tried to kill a millipede with a shot from his .22 caliber rifle. The bullet ricocheted off a rock near the millipede's hole in the ground and struck a companion in the head, fracturing his skull.

An Elvira, Ohio, man was attempting to clean cobwebs in his basement using a propane torch instead of a broom. He didn't die, but he caused a fire that destroyed the first and second floors of his house.

The winner of the 2003 Darwin Award for most senseless death goes to … I've got to be extremely careful here or I'll be standing on an Austin street corner panhandling for pennies for posies

… a Paderborn, German zookeeper, who fed a constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxatives and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes.

Please contact Mr. Graff for the rest of the details of this gruesome death.

Another e-mail has to do with something I know little about: Social Security.

That's because I'm so young and it's for older folks.

According to this e-mail, our senators and congressmen do not pay into Social Security and do not collect from it. Social Security benefits were not suitable for persons of their rare elevation in society. They felt they should have a special plan for themselves.

Many years ago they voted in their own benefit plan. In more recent years, no congressperson has felt the need to change it.

For all practical purposes their plan works like this: When they retire, they continue to draw the same pay until they die; except it may increase from time to time for cost of living adjustments.

For example, former Senator Byrd and Congressman White and their wives may expect to draw $7,800,000 with their wives drawing $275,000, during the last years of their lives. This is calculated on an average life span for each.

Their cost for this plan is $0. Nada. Zilch.

They voted for this perk themselves and it's free to them. You and I pick up the tab for the plan. Funds for this retirement plan come directly from our tax dollars at work.

From our own Social Security Plan, which you and I pay or have paid into every payday until we retire (the amount is matched by our employer) we can expect to get an average $1,000 per month after retirement.

In other words, we would have to collect our average of $1,000 monthly benefits for 68 years and one month to equal Sen. Bill Bradley's benefits!

Lee Bonorden can be contacted at 434-2232 or by e-mail at :mailto:lee.bonorden@austindailyherald.com