QUESTION: Would you explain the process of role-modeling?

RESPONSE: “Love and Logic” author Jim Fay is an expert in explaining the power of positive role-modeling in the following question and answer format:

Question: What is one of the primary ways that kids learn?

Answer: Modeling (subconscious imitation of adult behaviors, beliefs and attitudes).

Question: Who becomes a model for kids?

Answer: A person they see as both strong and loving at the same time.

Question: Once a child accepts a person as a role model, how does the child see his/her own position or role?

Answer: As a child, student and a follower who should listen to the adult.

Question: What happens to the adult’s role if the child can hook him/her into debates or arguments about limits and boundaries?

Answer: Their roles change to that of equals. It is no longer an adult/child relationship. It is now an adult/adult relationship.

Question: If that happens, what happens to the adult’s role as a model?

Answer: It loses effectiveness and the child no longer feels a strong need to listen to the adult.

Question: How do I not get hooked into arguments with a child?

Answer: Master the art of responding to arguments with, “Could be” and “What did I say?” Then smile and walk away.

To talk with a parenting specialist about the challenges in child-raising, call the toll-free Parent WarmLine at 1-888-584-2204/Línea de Apoyo at 1-877-434-9528. For free emergency child care call Crisis Nursery at 1-877-434-9599.